Pope Visits Nazi Death Camp - Los Angeles Times

Pope Visits Nazi Death Camp - Los Angeles Times: "'In a place like this, words fail,' Benedict said later at a memorial ceremony in Birkenau. 'In the end, there can only be a dread silence, a silence which is itself a heartfelt cry to God: Why, Lord, did you remain silent?"

The Lord remained silent? Didn't the Lord touch Anne Frank, Martin Neimoller, and countless others to resist the war and raise their voices against the atrocities of the holocaust?

The more pertinent question is why did Benedict remain silent? The Pope was a member of both the Hitler Youth and the German army during the holocaust. To give him a fair shake it should be noted that he joined the Hitler youth after it became compulsory, and that according to biographers - "he wasn't a very enthusiastic member."

I find it profoundly disturbing that the spiritual leader of one of the world's largest religions sat idly by while millions of fellow human beings were slaughtered.

To answer the Pope's question - when I think God isn't speaking, I usually find it is me who isn't listening.

ABC News: Bush Brothers No Longer Back Harris

ABC News: Bush Brothers No Longer Back Harris: "She retained ChoicePoint to remove felons from the voting rolls, ignoring complaints for years that the firm had continuously removed legitimate voters, ones who often had ethnic names."

Surprise!

What amazes me is that the woman who perpetrated one if the most public election frauds of this century expects to run for the Senate in the first place. Her name is so tainted by electoral scandal that even the Bushes won't back this horse anymore.

57,000 legitimate voters were denied the right to vote in Florida due to Katherine Harris' retention of choicepoint to purge felons from the voter rolls. These citizens were denied the right to vote simply for the crime of being black, and likely democratic votors in Jeb Bush's Florida. Katherine Harris' office instructed choicepoint to use the loosest possible matching standards - eliminating thousands of African - American votes.

As an example - if a white man named Samuel Walton Jr committed a felony in Texas, then an African American Sam Walker Sr might be disenfranchised in Florida. Harris instructed choicepoint to match on only three letters and to ignore suffixes like Jr, Sr the II nd etc.

Never mind her outrageously transparent partisan meddling in certifying the 2000 election result in Florida....

The telling thing is that the Bush's aren't backing her, not because she is a fraud and a cheat, but because they feel she wouldn't win.

This fits right in with the "get my way at any cost" ethical myopia of the Bush family, and the climate of corrution they have created in Washington.

Bush's Plan to Seal Border Worries Mexico - New York Times

Bush's Plan to Seal Border Worries Mexico - New York Times:

"White House officials said Mr. Bush assured Mr. Fox that a permanent National Guard presence on the border was not being considered."

Nah, surely the deployment is just just till the midterm elections are over...

George W’s Palace in Iraq – On Time & Under Budget….

In the chaos of Iraq, one project is on target: a giant US embassy - World - Times Online

(Photo - not the US Embassy in Iraq, but Kew Palace, the Palace of Mad King George III of England.)

The one aspect of the “Iraq Reconstruction” that is on time and under budget is the building of the new 104 acre US Embassy complex in Bagdad, which the Bagdadi’s refer to as “George W’s Palace”.

The US Embassy in Iraq is nearly as large as Vatican City, and will feature the largest swimming pool in Iraq, as well a movie theatres, a shopping mall and food court, and its own electrical generating plant and water pumping capacity. At 104 acres the US embassy under construction is nearly 6 times the size of the White House complex in Washington DC, and will be the largest embassy in the world.

Despite the political cover about bringing “Freedom” to Iraq, as is so often the case, our commitment to “Freedom” only applies to situations where involvement is conducive to US strategic (read business) interests. Mr. Bush’s commitment to spreading Freedom and Democracy seems to fail him utterly in dealing with the genocide in Darfur. The Bush administration's real aim with this war was to create a thinly veiled US protectorate in the Middle East to ensure the flow of oil into the 21^st century.

There will likely be an ongoing series of oil wars in this century as the world competes more and more for finite petroleum resources. China and India’s populations are growing at an exponential rate, and much of the third world is industrializing rapidly as well. All of this will place greater and greater importance on keeping oil flowing to maintain US strategic dominance. (One thing the Bush family understands all too well is ruthlessness in the preservation of empire.)

What is not being adequately addressed is the impact in furthering and fostering terrorism that Bush policy is having. The annual State Department report on Terrorism documents a threefold increase in the number of terrorist incidents worldwide in the past year, with most of the increases related to the war in Iraq. While statistical methods account for some of the difference – it is clear nonetheless that Bush’s war is making the world a far more dangerous place.

The primary reason Osama Bin Laden declared Jihad against the US is the presence of US Troops in Saudi Arabia. Bush has now laid the groundwork for a permanent US base in another Middle Eastern country. (The military is also building extensive “temporary” forward bases in Iraq.) Bear in mind that the “temporary” forward bases built in Europe and the Philippines during reconstruction after WWI are still operating nearly fifty years later.

Bush has also imprisoned and tortured hundreds of Muslims without charges or trial, many of whom the military and state department have now determined are not, nor ever were terrorists. This is breeding growing resentment toward the US worldwide, and assures a constant supply of disaffected people willing to engage in terrorist attacks in desperation.

Imagine if we had a leader of vision, who had the courage to allocate even a portion of the 811 billion this war is costing to development of energy alternatives. Imagine also if the US had spent that money building wells and helping the poor around the world to become self sufficient, rather than propping up vile and corrupt tribal empires who abuse their own people to enrich themselves and their corporate lackeys in the US. We would have been able to retire the terrorists permanently when their funding from oil sales dried up.

The Bush administration speaks of spreading democracy, yet continues to protect, fund and defend some of the vilest oligarchies in the world.

CNN.com - Bush rejects tax on oil companies' windfall profits - Apr 28, 2006

CNN.com - Bush rejects tax on oil companies' windfall profits - Apr 28, 2006

When asked about a windfall tax on big oil's record breaking profits, the wishful Alice in Wonderland logic of this administration surfaces again. (The tax would fund development of domestically produced energy sources.)


Rather than taking responsibility for an active role in our future energy security through prudent reinvestment, our Decider in Chief would prefer to leave it to his buddies in big oil.

"My attitude is that the oil companies need to be mindful that the American people expect them to reinvest their cash flows in such a way that it enhances our energy security."

and then later in the same statement -

"One reason there's tight gasoline supplies is we haven't built any new refineries since the 1970s."

By this odd wish-logic, the same companies that haven't reinvested a dime in new refineries in forty years will now auto-magically forgo the profit motive and begin to reinvest in alternative energy. Perhaps the president has detected a sudden upwelling of community spiritedness in his big oil cronies?

Let's not forget that corporations exist solely to increase their own profits, and are legally prevented from taking actions that would reduce their own profitability. In the current climate of gargantuan CEO salaries, consolidation of privilege and energy robber-baronism the reinvestment Bush imagines will simply never take place.

Look how well the policy of "just trust big business" worked for the Enron employees who lost everything.

It appears that on this extremely sensible proposal Mr Bush is still the decider and he decides no.

BBC NEWS | Business | US war costs 'could hit $811bn'

BBC NEWS | Business | US war costs 'could hit $811bn'

Gosh!

811 billion here and 811 billion there; pretty soon you're talking a real deficit....

Campaign for the Civic Mission of Schools

Campaign for the Civic Mission of Schools

I'm a HUGE political junkie - to a degree that many of my aquaintences find somewhat odd. (I watch C-Span, can name my Senators, House Reps, and the Prime Minister of Canada for example.)

I am repeatedly dismayed by how little my peers seem to care about our government and its institutions. Young people seem to have no idea how our government works, or even what democracy is. (Neither does our president, so maybe that is where the trickle down theory actually works.) For the record Mr. Bush, "democracy" does NOT equal "freedom". Egypt is a nominal "democracy" and also one of the most brutally repressive regimes in the world. Sometimes they co-exist, and other times they do not.

The "No Child Left Behind" Act has made this alarming trend even worse with its focus on testing in math and science. Schools are teaching what they need the kids to test well in. This focus helps retain their funding, and alas, civics is nowhere on the list. Every teacher I know says "No Child Left Behind" is the worst thing to happen to our schools in decades.

Sandra Day O'Connor recently said:

...Civics "was routinely required at several levels in high school, and it was integrated into the grade-school curriculum as well. And that just has disappeared."

The Campaign for the Civic Mission of Schools is seeking to reverse this trend. This is an important idea, as what we teach in grade school and high school "sticks" more than we know.

I am getting ready to attend my 25th year high school reunion. At my 20th I was stuck by how politically engaged my classmates were. Our school had a very stong emphasis on both civics and on social responsibility, and it has paid off in a group of engaged, aware and committed adults. (many of whom can name the Prime Minister of Canada, fer instance...)

Mahler and grief...

I just returned from a trip to New York, where I went to a performance of Mahler’s 2^nd Symphony (The Resurrection Symphony) at Riverside church in Harlem.

It was a reunion of sorts, as my stepfather and both of my brothers and their wives were there. There were also many family friends.

This part of my personal universe revolved to a great extent around my mother, who died of liver cancer four years ago. This made our reunion a time of both joy and sadness for all of us.

Those of you who know the symphony will know the music is beautiful and transcendent. Mahler’s themes of death and resurrection, loss and questions of faith are so deeply suited to holy week and springtime. The group of us who shared a common loss gathered together. Memory was our constant yet unspoken companion, a melancholy and beautiful undercurrent.

Beautiful because my mother died, as is often said and rarely experienced, “with dignity.” Due to her diabetes, she had been preparing herself and all of us for the fact of her passing for many years. She died quietly at home, surrounded by loved ones, at the time and place of her choosing, and in the kind care of Dan my stepfather and an amazing hospice team.

I realized that for many of her friends I was a gentle reminder of the loss. My face carries the contours of hers in a way that those of my brother’s, who favor their father more strongly, does not.

I was escorting a family friend to the church. As I stepped out of the elevator to meet her in the lobby, she commented on how much I look like my mother. After that she remained still – savoring the fleeting moment of resurrection.

At the church, swept along in the strains of the Mahler's music, I saw one after another of us lost in memory.

As the symphony lilted and crashed through the church, I sensed a nearly sanctified energy of loss and rememberance among our guests.

I wandered the valley of doubt as I observed my youngest brother Adam weeping deeply. Something in Adam’s gentle nature makes him the most profoundly marked by loss. Who creates a world with this much pain?

The music reached its glorious crescendo; Mahler’s strangely coherent cacophony of faith overcoming darkness. I felt a a gentle awareness growing.

The reminder I provided to our guests of my mother’s face wasn’t just for them. Running my hand across my check I had an inner realization - she is in me, and always will be.

We left the church, sweeping into the soft April night in near silence. Each one of us had been moved by something more graceful than a piece of music.

The Mind Boggles, or the death of civility….

On the death of civility….

I’m flying to New York today, and have yet again been stunned by the lack of civility in public life.

Onboard the plane, I was asked by a mother and daughter if I would vacate my coveted right side, exit-aisle seat so they could sit together. They offered a seat across the aisle in exchange. Though I don’t particularly like that seat, I was moved by their mother-daughter bond, (or acute codependency) so I agreed.

The seat next to the one they offered was empty – which I figured was an instant karmic dividend.

I stood to get my bag and coat out of the overhead compartment. Meanwhile, a tiny woman from several rows back switched seats and took the empty seat next to the one I had been offered.

While I was dealing with my carry on bag, and faster than I would have believed possible, the mercenary mom sold the exit row seat I had vacated for her to another passenger for 60 dollars. She then plunked herself back down in her original seat; this crass maneuver left me with no seat in the exit row at all.

When I asked her to vacate the seat, she merely pointed at the seat the tiny woman had vacated two rows back, indicating I should sit there.

By now the entire plane was waiting on us to depart, and the captain was making the “we can’t go till everyone is seated” announcement. When the flight attendant arrived to try and sort out the mess, the mercenary mom showed her boarding pass, and feigned ignorance. Her pass showed the seat she was in as hers.

The attendant asked me to take the seat the tiny woman had left two rows back. I protested, explaining that Thumbelina had jumped rows to grab the exit row seat, and that I was ticketed for the exit row.

Now the people around us were getting irritable, and it appeared that I was the troublemaker, so I went ahead and took the seat two rows back. (I am six one – and the exit row makes a real difference to me, while Thumbelina could have lain crosswise in her seat.)

By now the flight attendant realized what had happened, came to me and apologized profusely, offering complimentary meals, snacks and anything I wanted from the beverage cart. (This was a low fare carrier – so all the meals and snacks are on a pay as you go basis.)

Being not without sin myself, I conspicuously enjoyed the freebies as the Mom of Fortune complained bitterly about having to pay for her chips. The flight attendant played along, grandly showering me with perks while she barely helped the exit row brigade.

It was a small comfort at least...

Yeeesh!

Bush Was Set on Path to War, British Memo Says - New York Times

Bush Was Set on Path to War, British Memo Says - New York Times

Just last week Mr Bush told Helen Thomas that it was "wrong to assume he wanted to go to war."

Now it is clear that he was lying.

This has been the core obsession of this administration from the earliest days.

In January of 2000, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice (then a National Security Advisor) wrote in Foreign Affairs -

“"Saddam Hussein's regime is isolated, his conventional military power has been severely weakened, his people live in poverty and terror, and he has no useful place in international politics. He is therefore determined to develop WMD. Nothing will change until Saddam is gone, so the United States must mobilize whatever resources it can, including support from his opposition, to remove him."

Does this sound like the cooing of doves?

SAN FRANCISCO / Voter group sues to ban touch-screen system / It's called vulnerable to hackers seeking to change results

SAN FRANCISCO / Voter group sues to ban touch-screen system.

Is it any wonder? The Diebold voting machines change long standing electoral traditon, and may be unconstitutional, in that they leave no verifiable paper trail of the vote. In many states it is illegal to use a voting system without a verifiable recount mechanism, yet Diebold machines have been deployed and used in these states anyway.

Computer consultants have extensively documented the "hackability" of these machines. In less than 10 minutes hackers paid to test the machines by the state of Maryland broke in and were able to change votes, leaving no traces or record of the changes.

I work with and computers on a daily basis. I relentlessly back up and print out my work. I am privy to a simple truth - computers fail, and a back up record is essential when they do. Why is Diebold, a Republican owned and backed company so resistant to building in a paper trail so votes can be properly counted?

Stalin said that "The people who cast the votes don't decide the election, the people who count the votes do."

I never thought I'd be saying this, but "Right on Stalin!"

House votes to dump state food safety laws

House votes to dump state food safety laws

Have they no shame dept. -

This is a truly stunning story. You'd think that in the wake of the Abramoff scandal there would be at least an attempt to camouflage the wholesale purchase of our legislators by industry, but as usual in Washington it's back to the status quo.

How can any sane person justify the idea that food manufacturers* should not have to let their customers know when the food contains potentially dangerous ingredients. This is insanity of the highest order.

For years the FDA has been an industry shill. The Bush administration has engaged in an full frontal assault aimed at weakening protection of consumers from the interests of mega-corporations.

Clearly Congress can't be trusted to keep their hands out of the (chemically laced) cookie jar.
This country need a COMPLETE ban on corporate donations of any kind to politicians - it seems to be the only way to stop the wholesale purchase of our elected officials.
_________

* I've always found the term "food manufacturers" to be inordinately creepy. There was a time when food was farmed or raised, not manufactured. It always amazes me when restaurant staff say something like "we serve coca cola products." As much as I like a Coke now and then, I always cringe at the idea of eating and drinking "products."

Infection Is Growing in Scope, Resistance - Los Angeles Times

Infection Is Growing in Scope, Resistance - Los Angeles Times

Methicillin Resistant Staph infection is a growing problem worldwide. I am angry that very few media outlets are covering the role of sub-therapeutic antibiotic feeding of factory farmed animals in this frightening medical problem. Just this week a NC woman died of MRSA.

Most news stories like the LA times one referenced above mention the over prescription and misuse of antibiotics as being the root cause. While this is one aspect of the problem; the agricultural misuse of antibiotics goes on unchecked in the commercial beef, pork, salmon, and chicken and egg industries. Many nations in Europe have banned the practice, but of course US Agricultural interests have co-opted the USDA and silenced the debate here.

Few commercial media outlets will touch this story, as some of their most profitable advertisers are involved. Public Broadcasting has begun to address it, but the story is not getting anywhere near the prominence it deserves. How do you think it would scan with the public if headlined "US industries recklessly endanger human life to squeeze out additional pennies of profit?"

Wait a minute - that could be a daily headline...

Bush Threatens to Veto Any Bill to Stop Port Takeover - New York Times

Bush Threatens to Veto Any Bill to Stop Port Takeover - New York Times

Ok, so Mr. Bush has yet to veto anything - no pork vetos, no vetoes of the "poorly performing" entitlement programs he decries, nada. (Using my Bushspeak secret decoder ring - I translate "poorly performing" programs as "programs performing for the poor.")

Funny he'd dust off the pen to threaten the veto of these possible bills, as the port sale to a UAE based conglomerate stands to further profit his families billionaire cronies in the mideast.

As for Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld's praise of the UAE as an "important strategic military partner", that may be the case this year. Wasn't it just a twenty years or so ago that Saddam Hussein's Iraq was being touted as an important strategic military parter of the US in the mideast?

Has Bush forgotten that a significant amount of the money used in the 9/11 attacks was laundered though our "strategic military partners" of Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emiriates?

Oh, that's right, he helped all those folks fly out of the country in the days after 9/11...

Ever the syncophantic toady, maybe he just want to perform for the rich, regardless of where they're from?

Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter - Feb 12, 2006

CNN.com - Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter - Feb 12, 2006

This one is just too, too good. Who knew the Rove obsession with de-funding trial lawyers would lead to gunplay?

The obvious jokes are all there; "shoot first, spin later", "Don't shoot till you see the whites of thier oil" etc. It has been sickening to watch Scott McClellan and Cheney duck and feint to try and portray the accident as being Whittington's fault.

The best so far has been Jim Brady's (of the Brady Bill) comment on the matter.

When asked what he thought of the shooting, Brady replied - "Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him."

On Feb 16th the Veep broke his prolonged silence and spoke with Fox "News" about the shooting. As reported in the Washington Post - he blamed the controversy on jealousy among the press corps that a small Texas newspaper got the story first.

Oh yeah - the Vice President shoots a friend, doesn't acknowledge it until his host takes matters into her own hands and calls the local paper and the controversy is due to internecine bickering...
That's plausible...

Perhaps the delay was so everyone could coordinate thier stories?

Severe woman charged with smuggling after human head found in her luggage.

Stock Photo

USATODAY.com - Woman charged with smuggling after human head found in luggage

From the eeww gross department -

Ms. Severe was bringing the head into the US from Haiti to ward off evil spirits as part of her Voodoo practice. Maybe it's just me, but schlepping a decomposing human head around with you seems more of an invitation to bad juju than a defense against it...

I'm not one to make fun of anyone's religious beliefs. Er... OK - so I do, but I exempt fundies of all stripes from the "no fun-making" clause. (All stripes meaning the Taliban all the way to James Dobson.)

My favorite part of the article is the list of charges filed against her -

"The criminal complaint filed Friday charges Severe with smuggling a human head into the U.S. without proper documentation, failure to declare the head and transporting hazardous material in air commerce."

It begs the question - do you use Customs Form 1089 or 1089a to properly document that human head you scored on vacation?

After reading the story I had the chilling realization that Ms. Severe and I have something in common.

(Before you run shrieking into the night, let me explain.)

I transported human remains (well, cremains or ashes) in my checked luggage without declaring them after my Stepmother's memorial service. I had no idea it was a crime.

Truth really is stranger than fiction - if I wrote this story and made her name be "Severe", no one would buy it - way too on the nose...

Nero Fiddles While NOLA Floods

The New York Times Reports on Hurricane Katrina response, indicating that dire news of the levee breach reached the White House the night before the president issued his statement that New Orleans had "dodged the bullet." The president was vacationing at the ranch in Crawford as the disaster loomed.

"The president is still at his ranch, the vice president is still fly-fishing in Wyoming, the president's chief of staff is in Maine," Mr. Davis said. "In retrospect, don't you think it would have been better to pull together? They should have had better leadership. It is disengagement."

- Representative Thomas M. Davis III, Republican of Virginia, chairman of the special House committee investigating the hurricane response.

Photo of Madame Liberty Melting, taken after a Post - Katrina fire
in a Mardi Gras warehouse for parade floats.
from NOLA.com, photo by NOLA.com user Paul Glover.
This seem to me the quinessential image of the Bush Presidency.
____________________________________________________________________

In my experience hurricanes move rather slowly. Perhaps not slowly enough, when you're trying to evacuate entire regions, but slowly enough to fly back to Washington.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff called the federal response "unacceptable".

Once again the administration fails to act to defend the defenseless. It seems that dereliction of duty is a habit with this president, all the way back to his guard service.

I can't say it any better than the all Republican panel investigating the Katina response: "Our investigation revealed that Katrina was a national failure, an abdication of the most solemn obligation to provide for the common welfare." - as quoted in the NY Times.

I would add that the "abdication of the most solemn obligation to provide for the common welfare" is the hallmark of this presidency.

"That bus don't run after Eight." - Conservatives see through Bush?

From a recent article on the conservative Human Events Online site - "Bush Is Running Out of Alibis" by Patrick J. Buchanan:

"But what has done more to radicalize Islam than our invasion of Iraq? Who has done more to empower Islamic radicals than Bush with his clamor for elections across a region radicalized by our own policies?"

You know it's been a tough year for progressives when Pat Buchanan starts to make sense.

Pat is a bit like a homeless guy I encountered at a bus stop in LA last year.

Several of us were waiting at the RAPID (super-express) bus stop. Nearby, a man was street preaching to anyone who would listen. He had a homemade telepathic uplink to Mars made of tinfoil perched on his head. He was waiting at the non-express bus stop.

This man spent the better part of an hour ranting and raving about the men from Mars, thier plans for world domination, and the transmitter they had implanted in his head.

The sane among us huddled together, sure that we would get where we were going sooner aboard the RAPID bus.

The (slow) bus pulled in. As the Martian telepath climbed aboard it he called out to us "That bus don't run after Eight."

Whoosh - the doors closed and we were left behind, choking on his exhaust.

A flash of common sense had winked at us from behind the veil of insanity.

My smugness was shattered. The awareness that I'd be waiting another forty minutes for my bus dawned with painful clarity.

It's a bit like Pat on Bush - N'est Pas?

Whatever else you think of him, Pat has some darn goods points on Bush.

Hopefully we won't all be left waiting at the electoral bus stop, with the realization of what is really going on dawning slowly...

"B... B... B... Brokeback Mountain."

In other Hollywood News-



Did you notice that Clint Eastwood could barely bring himself to say the words "Brokeback Mountain" at the Golden Globe Awards? "B... B... B... Brokeback Mountain."

I never realized Homsexual Panic causes stuttering!

The movie seems to be causing a lot of stuttering. Folks seem unable to cope with a depiciton of homsexuality that doesn't feature a campy "Will and Grace" buddy, or the "punishment" of AIDS.

The most bizzare take on Brokeback Mountain I've seen can be found in Andrew Longman's blog entry titled "You can't fight Islamism with Gay Cowboys.

This is flat out one of the weirdest rants I've ever seen. - check this bit in particular - "It is repugnant that the national icons of Missionary zeal and righteous machismo are being mocked " Since when are Missionary Zeal and righteous machismo national icons?

That said, the image of a brigade of gay cowboys sweeping over the plains of Afganistan into Kabul is certainly a gripping, if improbable one...
___________________________________________________________________
Have you seen this Brokeback Mountain grocery list circulating the web - author unknown...

>> Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists
>>> for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, Summer, 1963
>>>
>>>
>>> WEEK ONE
>>>
>>> Beans
>>> Bacon
>>> Coffee
>>> Whiskey
>>>
>>> WEEK TWO
>>>
>>> Beans
>>> Ham
>>> Coffee
>>> Whiskey
>>>
>>> WEEK THREE
>>>
>>> Beans al fresca
>>> Thin-sliced Bacon
>>> Hazelnut Coffee
>>> Sky vodka & Tanqueray gin
>>> K-Y gel
>>>
>>> WEEK FOUR
>>>
>>> Beans en salade
>>> Pancetta
>>> Coffee (espresso grind)
>>> 5-6 bottles best Chardonnay
>>> 2 tubes K-Y gel
>>>
>>> WEEK FIVE
>>>
>>> Fresh Fava beans
>>> Jasmine rice
>>> Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces, thinly sliced
>>> Medallions of veal
>>> Porcini mushrooms
>>> 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream
>>> 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42 long
>>> 5-6 bottles French Bordeaux (Estate Reserve)
>>> 1 extra large bottle Astro-glide
>>>
>>> WEEK SIX
>>>
>>> Yukon Gold potatoes
>>> Heavy whipping cream
>>> Asparagus (very thin)
>>> Organic Eggs
>>> Spanish Lemons
>>> Gruyere cheese (well aged)
>>> Crushed Walnuts
>>> Arugula
>>> Clarified Butter
>>> Extra Virgin Olive oil
>>> Pure Balsamic vinegar
>>> 6 yards white silk organdy
>>> 6 yards pale ivory taffeta
>>> 3 Cases of Dom Perignon Masters Reserve
>>> Large tin Crisco

Abducted by interstellar Orthodontists!

The Orthodontic Spaceship

Ok, so I'm not entirely convinced I need Orthodontic treatment. (I'm 43 fer chrissake!)

I am not particularly encouraged by the fact that, in classic Los Angeles style, the office is themed as a spaceship. *

I expect the receptionist will be dressed as Lt. Uhura; sadly she is costumed as a suburban mom holding down a day job.

A small boy is blasting Romulans out of the sky in a cockpit in a corner of the waiting bay.
Zoop - Zoop - Zoop - Zingoughh!

Unfazed by the intergalactic warfare raging around her, his mother sips a non-fat, half-caf white mocha. She reads "Daily Variety"with a blasé air. I marvel at how easily we earthlings adapt to extraordinary circumstances.

Lt. Uhura summons me, and I enter through sliding doors that - whoosh - as I go through.

I lie back in a sleek pneumatic launch chair. The dental tech inserts trays loaded with gobs of silly putty in my mouth to make impressions of my teeth. The "abducted by orthodontists" effect could only be improved if I were strapped in.

Afterward, in the briefing pod we discuss my treatment plan. Two years of periodontal corsetry which I perceive to be semi-elective. This being Los Angeles, no-one seems to be able to tell me if this procedure is cosmetic, or structurally necessary. (Everyone is baffled by the question.) Who in LA wouldn't spend thousands of dollars to realize an incremental gain in net attractiveness?

I inquire with studied casualness about the cost. -Gulp- I do a quick tabulation in my head of what percentage of that is paying for the titanium fuel rods in the anti-gravity reactor.

(Hey! Maybe they can refine uranium for Iran's "peaceful nuclear program" here at my orthodontist and save Russia the trouble!)

I am disappointed, because although they can reach lightspeed in under twenty nanoseconds, they can't bill Blue Cross.

It appears that Blue Cross definitely considers the work elective, in the same way that insurance companies now consider quadruple bypass surgery to be an outpatient procedure.

I wonder if single payer universal coverage will cover interstellar orthodontics?

___________________________________________________________
* "Theming" is very popular in LA. Often it is restaurants which are shaped like the food they sell, or used to sell. My favorite is the Thai Place shaped like a hot dog at the corner of Hollywood and Western. The "dog" is cracked and glazed with a very unappetising patina of pigeon guano. The faded foam blocks representing relish absorb water every time it rains and drip a rheumy black mould over the once proud dog.